Q: What do you call the elephant witch doctor?
Post Whore thread
- Thread starter Skinner
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A: Mumbo Jumbo
Q: What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?
A: Most of the time, you get an onion with big ears. But once in a while, JUST once in a while, you get a piece of *** that brings tears to your eyes.
A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane.
The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.
The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.
The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again.
The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you’ve sneezed and three times you’ve taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently!
Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?"
The woman replies, "I’m sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I’ve never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"
The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.
The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.
The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again.
The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you’ve sneezed and three times you’ve taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently!
Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?"
The woman replies, "I’m sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I’ve never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"
The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1976 Buccaneers, the worst team in NFL history, finishing their season 0-14 and losing by an average of 20 points per game. They were also shut out five times that season.
The old farmer sat rocking on the front porch as he talked to the stranger. "Been thirty years since I lost my wife in these woods."
"Oh, I’m sorry," the stranger said, "It must have been hard to lose your wife like that."
"Hard?" the farmer snorted, "Was damn near impossible! She knew those woods like the back of her hand!"
"Oh, I’m sorry," the stranger said, "It must have been hard to lose your wife like that."
"Hard?" the farmer snorted, "Was damn near impossible! She knew those woods like the back of her hand!"
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:
"I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."
"I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
This guy goes into a whore house and says he wants the best blowjob he can get for $100.
The madam says go to the room take off all your clothes and we will be with you as soon as possible.
So he goes to the room and takes off all of his clothes and a few minutes later a fine hooker comes in the room.
She gives him a blowjob and he busts a nut and then she reaches under the bed and pulls out a jar and spits in it.
He says will you do that again if I give you another $100.
She says sure. He gives her another $100 and she gives him another blowjob and he busts even a bigger nut this time.
She pulls out the jar again and spits in it. He asks what the jar was for and she says "I have a bet with the girl across the hall whoever fills up their jar first gets to drink them both".
The madam says go to the room take off all your clothes and we will be with you as soon as possible.
So he goes to the room and takes off all of his clothes and a few minutes later a fine hooker comes in the room.
She gives him a blowjob and he busts a nut and then she reaches under the bed and pulls out a jar and spits in it.
He says will you do that again if I give you another $100.
She says sure. He gives her another $100 and she gives him another blowjob and he busts even a bigger nut this time.
She pulls out the jar again and spits in it. He asks what the jar was for and she says "I have a bet with the girl across the hall whoever fills up their jar first gets to drink them both".
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police let us in; it's cold out here.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police let us in; it's cold out here.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband 3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband 4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband 5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband 6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband 7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband 8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!"
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband 3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband 4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband 5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband 6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband 7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband 8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!"
Q: What’s the difference between a Lawyer and a Snake?
A: Drivers will swerve to avoid a snake
Little Johnny walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen she dress’s quickly and goes to find him.
Little Johnny sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You’re wasting your time," say’s Little Johnny.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
Little Johnny sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You’re wasting your time," say’s Little Johnny.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
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